Can you forget the cute little happy face of your child?

The first image of him/ her?

Being a new parent brings an entirety of emotions along with it. The first time you see your baby’s face you feel happy 😊, scared 😨, and nostalgic. He/she instantly becomes your purpose in life.

So many promises we do to ourselves to make it always right as a parent in raising our kids.

Raising a child is one toughest jobs yet it can be the most fulfilling or rewarding job.

But as time moves and in our desperate quest to create a unique and happy child we start assuming the wrong moral burden on them.

We need to teach our offspring to be happy, loving, and smart and this can be achieved only when they can love themselves unconditionally. Today, we are not offering them, unconditional love.

When our kids come home from school ( or in today’s scenario close their tablets/laptops) we need to ask them how was their day. What did they enjoy today? Instead, we ask why did they lack in completing the task?  Or why they have not achieved the top CGPA.

Instead of telling them the methods to study, we teach them the ways to barter. (  If you study this much and score this much you will get a new phone, your favorite game, etc.) And they learn to do this barter for their whole lives and for everything.

Learning should never come with any kind of trading.

It is a must, and it must be disciplined.

We are raising our kids with a checklist that we prepare for them and then leave them in their later years without the checklist. They don’t know how to process without the checklist, and thus they start failing. And more than this, they lack impulse, the instinct to roll up their sleeves and dig to explore.

To be very conclusive, we are raising our kids as a bonsai plant, like an item to decorate your section of life, neatly cut and shaped, and never allowed to grow out of proportion as they need to fit in that space.

So, how can we raise happy, cheerful, and smart kids?

1) BE HAPPY, YOURSELF

Whatever we see, we absorb, learn, and adapt. So if you are stressed, angry, and frustrated every time you imbibe the same thing in your offspring. You are responsible for your happiness, and no one else is. Love and respect yourself. Give yourself some time away from the chaos. Have a healthy relationship with yourself and your spouse. Happiness is to be followed, and it is contagious. So if you are happy, your child will be happy.

2)  DON’T TRY TO MAKE YOUR CHILD HAPPY

The best thing you can do for your child is to stop making them happy. Don’t put your child in a bubble and grant them their wishes, because they will learn and expect the same

when they grow up, but the world outside this bubble will not treat them the same. Let them find and experience their happiness, anger, sadness, frustration, etc. Eventually, they will learn to deal with their negative emotions.  You can help them develop coping skills and resilience.

3) INVOLVE THEM IN HOUSEHOLD CHORES

The longest longitudinal study of humans ever conducted is called the Harvard Grant Study. It was found that professional success in life comes from having done chores as kids, and the earlier you start, the better. It gets into the mindset that there is a set of jobs and someone has to do them, even if there are some unpleasant ones. Let them contribute their effort to the betterment of the whole, and that’s how they get ahead in the workplace.  So why not prepare them today?

4) CELEBRATE THEIR EFFORT AND NOT PERFECTION.

When we praise our kid’s effort and hard work, that leads them to achieve and engage again in the same process.

This way, they learn to put their effort into the process, and they don’t shy away.  As parents, we must not overemphasize the attainments of our kids, as this may lead to anxiety, depression, and hopelessness. In some cases, it may turn out to be substance abuse. Thus, look out for opportunities to acknowledge your child’s good behavior, effort, and attributes.

5)  FAILURE IS GOOD

Let your child take that step, even if you are afraid. Failure often teaches more than success. Remember, success is to be celebrated, whereas failure is a learning process. Shielding them from failure will not be in their best interest, in fact, it

will make them vulnerable. Let your child make mistakes and learn from them.  Treat mistakes as steps towards success. Resist your urge to correct them; instead, help your child identify their mistakes and improve on them. Ask them for another approach. Let them discover.

6) LISTEN TO THEM

Many children do try to communicate their emotions, but we, in our busy schedules, tend to overlook them and most of the time we ignore them as childish tantrums. This tends to develop an inferiority complex in them and they start feeling unwanted. Don’t let this happen.

Drop to their size, give them a moment, and smile with them.

These actions of yours will give confidence to your offspring, and they will never hesitate to voice their opinions and share their feelings.

7) TEACH OPTIMISM

Teaching our kids optimism is one of the best gifts we can give them. When we are optimistic, we feel more joyful, and studies show it is the best way to stay healthier. Optimism increases longevity and thus plucks us from crossroads towards the path of success. It also helps to cope with restlessness, anxiety, stress, and depression.

So let’s not be that nudging, haggling, and nagging parent who always wants to keep their child from screwing up. And also, do not expect our kids to perform at a level of perfection that we ourselves cannot achieve. Let us not make bonsai plants. Let us make a  wildflower and let them

grow. It is our job to provide a nourishing and positive environment. Our job is not to make them become what we want but to support them in letting them become what they want to be. Let us be the winds beneath their wings and not otherwise.